Deeply Delusional
by Somewhat-Literate.1
Summary: The Department of Mysteries contains a lot more then some prophecies and killer drapery, as they are about to find out. Through use of powerful relatively unknown magic the group come face to face with what is perhaps their most dangerous foe yet. Fan-Fiction.
1. Speculations and Explanations

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

**Speculations and Explanations **

"What's going on?"

The daily Hogwarts life had strayed very far from the norm and for once Harry Potter was not to blame. Unfortunately years of being the cause of any and all havoc (or at the very least being heavily involved) meant Harry was unused to the confusion of unknown events. This resulted in a very impatient, very curious, very antsy Harry Potter. With the absence of his usual information finding method (standing there while what ever it was happened) Harry turned to his failsafe problem solver.

" I have no idea Harry I only have as much information as you" Hermione Granger, above mentioned problem solver, sighed. They dutifully followed the large crowd into the main hall.

"Whatever it is surely seems important" She added eyeing the ministry officials sparsely lining the walls. Harry internally snorted, _thank Merlin _they had Hermione to point these things out for them. _Seems important, well that never would of occurred to me_ he thought wryly_. _Harry didn't deal with being kept in the dark well.

"Well I'm sure whatever it is will soon find a way to put Harry or all of us in mortal danger, I mean look at the track record for anything new coming to Hogwarts and subsequent threats too Harry's life" Ron Weasley, the third and final member of the trio of friends, chimed in- forever the optimist of the group.

Any response from either of Ron's companions was cut short as the trio finally found seats at the Gryffindor table, a rough shove to a nearby first year transformed two seats into three.

The conversation between the three continued as other students and ministry workers navigated around each other to get settled. They were joined by Fred, George, Lee and Ginny and the group distracted themselves trading useless information, they all equally knew nothing, and creating increasingly outrageous theories (Harry highly doubted that this was a " meeting off the minds to discuss pre marital pet ownership").

* * *

Twenty minutes later and the great hall was finally in some semblance of order, due largely to the arrival of the heads of houses and headmaster. The great hall now housed far fewer people than earlier thanks to the departure of most of the ministry workers. The only non Hogwartians now in the hall consisted of; the visiting schools, tournament attendees, minister Fudge, a tall dark skinned man, an older greying man with drooping features, a pink haired young woman, an older stricter looking dark haired woman and a strangely toad like woman sporting clothing a horrible shade of pink.

Too Harry's great surprise they older generation seemed to be just as confused about the situation as they were - some hid it well, Snapes ever present sneer and Mcgonagalls sharp stare, while others where hard to tell apart from the students, professors Burbage and Vector could be seen exchanging wide eyed glances and exited whispers. Even Fudge seemed to be largely uninformed, if the rapid blinking and searching glances were anything to go by. Finally Dumbledore's voice broke through the hushed chatter "Warren, I believe you can shed some light on this gathering" his tone portrayed only mild curiosity and he seemed decidedly unperturbed by the events of the last hour. The greying man with the drooping face to whom Dumbledore had been addressing stepped towards the centre of the staff table and addressed those gathered.

His voice surprised Harry contrasting sharply to his weak and frail appearance, it was a deep boom that commanded attention. His disposition was just as baffling, gone was the uncertainty of a few seconds ago and now stood a man completely confident in his words and actions. His booming voice echoed around the quiet room,

"Good morning students and faculty of Hogwarts, and of course to our foreign guests and my fellow ministry employee's" he inclined his head in greeting and quirked a quick smile.

" My name is Warren Bolgryn and I work in the department of mysteries at the ministry. For those of you unaware of this department do not worry for as the name suggests all work done in the department is mysterious and now that you know the departments name you are on level with most others in this room" he paused there to consider his next words, the great hall stayed silent as everyone waited for an explanation.

"My sector has been closely monitoring all forms of magical knowledge transferral as well as muggle information in regards to magic. In its most basic form this sort of monitoring would be and is done by other departments, however what I specialize in is types of magic relatively unknown". Here for the first time he hesitated obviously uncomfortable further discussing his job, a sentiment shared by some of his fellow employee's who looks ranged from disapproving to furious.

"I would not be telling any of you this information if our current situation did not involve you all" uneasy murmurs followed his words even the adults looked apprehensive of what he would say next.

"Now I'm not going to explain the how's and why's to you because we would be here for weeks and also, quite frankly even we understand very little of it, what I do know is as followed please do not interrupt it will only interfere with my explanation."

"Two days ago my department became aware of muggle documentation bearing a strong magical signature, fortunately we were able to seize all traces of the documents with minimal exposure. The contents and origins of these documents are however more worrisome. The strong magical signature is inarguably plane magic." His voice raised in volume over the now once again murmuring students. Harry exchanged glances with the surrounding Wealsleys and Lee, Hermione was too busy staring unblinkingly at Bolgryn as if by sheer force of will she could make him explain faster and simultaneously absorb all his knowledge from the department of mysteries.

The hall quieted in record time as Bolgryn continued, making no move to stop his explanation.

"Not much is known about this magic but for the sake of your understanding I will give a quick, very basic overview. Planes are the name given to universes that exist separately but are thoroughly entwined with our own through shared space. As such many aspects of said universes are believed to closely resemble our own. No true communication has ever been established between planes but inexplicable events have often led back to plane magic. The nature of the literature discovered heavily suggests that knowledge of our world in some form exists in whatever plane it originated from." Once more whispers arose this time more shocked and exited. The booming voice continued on heedless to the chatter.

"A certain text of the group appears to follow past events exactly up in till the first task a week ago. We have deduced that these writings are the only one's that appear to portray an entirely accurate series of events, also the other texts seem to be direct results of this one, with focus on the frequently mentioned people in the original. As such we are referring to this particular writing as the main text or the original writing." Louder whispers broke out across the room buzzing with energy and impatience. Once more they were ignored as the voice boomed through the room, a slight tone of irritation the only sign he noticed at all.

"The way the main text is written led us to the assumption that these events, while very real to us, exist only as a form of entertainment- most likely books- in this alternate reality. Indeed the subsequent writings appear to be loosely based off the original, referring to themselves as _fan fiction. _These texts appear to have been sent to us by someone in hopes of warning us against what, we can only assume, will be our future." The voices of the hall were alarmed now _a warning _why did they need a warning?"

"Unfortunately any of the main text regarding the future from onwards of the first task was lost between worlds. Further more, we will not be reading any of the main text in respect for the privacy of those mentioned." Disappointed grumbling erupted from all sides, Harry however could only feel relived sure that he would be mentioned at some point in these _books _considering his thus far Hogwarts life.

Bolgryn continued seemingly desperate to finish the explanation.

"Now then the problem facing us and the reason for this meeting is as followed, whoever sent us this writing seems unaware of which of them holds the truth. As such they have attached a strong magic to the documents, obviously desperate for their warning to not be ignored. This means that, although the absence of future writings from the main text makes us continually ignorant of future events, we are magically bound to read a, unspecified although likely large considering the magical signature, number of these _fan fictions._" Far from looking put out by this most students were grinning in excitement. The ministry workers looked mostly unconcerned with the professors being the only one's to seem at all displeased, well some of them anyway others looked just as interested as the assembled students.

"The magical backlash from failure to do so would be devastating, the magic sent with them is only set to fade as the texts are read. Now I must inform you that not all gathered here are featured in these works and only the necessary people will stay to read, these people are named on a list accompanying the documents that I will read shortly. Those on the list will be forcibly contained until the required amount of reading is achieved."

Harry exchanged shocked looks with his friends as the reason for ministry members previously present became abundantly obvious. No doubt working to prevent the departure of any on _the list. _Many wondered exactly what these fan fictions were about if those reading them had to be forcibly contained. Harry prayed to whoever was listening that he was neither on the list or in the stories. The growing knot of dread in his stomach seemed to mock the possibility of this.

Bolgryn continued once more.

"The rest of you will have the choice of either home study for this time or participation is an educational trip to tour places with magical significance. All non listed students will have made the necessary arrangements by 6 o'clock this evening. To help with this ministry officials will contact each of you personally to further explain your options and to contact your parents or guardians. Detailed instructions will then be provided to you for whatever your choice may be.

We understand this is an not an ideal event but due to the volatile nature of the magic we would prefer to limit those exposed. Hogwarts is needed as the host of these readings because it stands as one of the most magically contained buildings in the country and is by far the most accessible.

Once the magic has been successfully diffused the year will continue on as planned including the tournament.

We will not begin reading until later after all have had a chance to digest the news and have something to eat and drink. Those who are on the list will meet here at 7 o'clock tonight. That gives you 9 hours to discuss the situation.

In the mean time the ministry will be chasing up leads provided to us and righting past wrongs we also need to gather the others featured on the list in preparation for tonight.

Thank you for your time the list for the people in this room required to attend is as followed." Here he raised his wand and with sharp spiral movements created a large shimmering board with names written upon it.

He called out the names in the order they appeared.

Not many were listening to busy scanning the board themselves to see if they were included in the list. The names were written under different headings, those included were;

Professors-

Dumbledore

McGonagall

Snape

Flitwick

Sprout

Hagrid

Hooch

Trelawney

Visiting professors-

Maxime

Karkaroff

Staff members-

Irma Pince

Argus Filch

Poppy Pomfrey

Students-

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ronald Weasley

Neville Longbottom

Dean Thomas

Seamus Finnigan

Parvati Patil

Lavender Brown

Ginevra Weasley

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Lee Jordan

Oliver Wood

Angelina Johnson

Alicia Spinnet

Katie Bell

Cedric Diggory

Ernest Macmillan

Justin Finch Fletchley

Zacharias Smith

Hannah Abbott

Susan Bones

Cho Chang

Michael Corner

Padma Patil

Draco Malfoy

Vincent Crabbe

Gregory Goyle

Pansy Parkinson

Theodore Nott

Blaise Zabini

Marcus Flint

Adrian Pucey

Daphne Greengrass

Astoria Greengrass

Tracey Davis

Millicent Bulstrode

Visiting students-

Fleur Delacour

Viktor Krum

Others-

Minister Cornelius Fudge

Senior undersecretary Dolores Umbridge

Head of magical law enforcement Amelia Bones

Auror Kingsley Shackelbolt

Auror Nymphadora Tonks

A variety of reactions took place. Some people were annoyed with there names being on the list or not on the list as the situation may be. Some were truly confused by there involvement having never done anything book worthy in their lives. Others still were thrilled; the twins and Lee's grins threatening to break their faces.

Fudge looked furious at not being consulted about these decisions.

Most of the other adults looked equally as displeased.

Harry simply thumped his head down on the table. _Why me?_

Beside him the other members of the trio put their heads in their hands. _Why us?_

They were dismissed after being told that lunch would be served on the grounds in an hour as the main hall was in use. As Harry walked out he tried to shake the foreboding sensation trailing him.

Whatever it was surely couldn't be that bad.

After all facing a dragon, three headed dog, giant spider, werewolf, Voldemorts increasingly more annoying bids at life and Hagrids cooking had prepared him for most anything.

No story could be that bad.

_Right? _


	2. Innocence and Impostors

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

**Innocence and Impostors **

The school was a frantic mix of students, professors and ministry workers all making final hurried preparations for the six o'clock deadline. Most students were fine with the plans after having time to process, many had decided to go home and treat the time as an extra holiday. Despite the rush a lot of students found time to gossip about the events and the halls were a constant buzz of chatter.

The international students seemed to be among the only ones going on the provided tour. Those in charge had decided against organising international travel arrangements as it would take time and effort needless when it was unclear how long Hogwarts would be out of commission. Not to mention when the term started back up so would the tournament and them leaving would result in lack of support for their schools champion. Harry would feel sorry for them but was too busy feeling sorry for himself, and doing both at once would be exhausting. He wasn't sure why so there were so few international names on the list, he guessed some of them might not speak English and it would be unfair for them to sit through several stories in languages they didn't understand. He voiced this thought to his friends and received an eye roll and huff from the bushy haired female of the group.

"Honestly Harry, do you not think they have spells to help with translation?" The usual bossy tone of voice actually made him feel relived, a thankfully familiar occurrence on what was proving to be a very surprising day. Harry bashfully lowered his head, he honestly hadn't considered that, a quick glance at the ginger beside him restored his mood as he saw Ron looked equally as embarrassed- he obviously hadn't considered it either.

Hermione continued undeterred "obviously the stories are focused on Hogwarts and _British _occurrences, the fact that Krum and Fleur were included indicates that some of these _fan fictions _probably involve the tournament."

Harry felt sick, if the stories focused on either the tournament or events at Hogwarts he was sure to be mentioned. From the pitying looks shot at him by his friends they had reached the same conclusion. _Great._

The slow drone of a funeral march played in Harry's mind as the three friends walked through the entrance hall towards the doors of the great hall. He absentmindedly hummed the tune as he took note of the ministry employees taking names from the attendees before allowing them entry.

Beside him Hermione scoffed "Oh really Harry, could you get anymore dramatic?"

"Yeah mate, there only bloody stories plus we're going to miss lessons to read some silly stories- stop being a prat and enjoy" Ron chimed in. Hermione winced at the mention of her missed lessons and all the information she will have lost out on.

Harry simply hummed louder.

* * *

The room was already decently full when they stepped inside, they stopped short when then noticed an odd mixture of students sat at the top of the Hufflepuff table. Included were the other Hogwarts attending Weasleys and Malfoy and his Slytherin friends, though the two groups were sat as far away from each other as seemed to be allowed. Ron made to go over too his siblings intent on asking what the bloody hell they were doing but was cut of by a short burly wizard catching his shoulder.

"You looking for seats?" The mans entire focus was on the parchment in his hands barely sparing a glance towards the trio.

"Huh?" Was Ron's intelligent reply taken aback by the brash address.

"Yes, we are" Hermione jumped in when Ron failed to reply, sparing him a quick exasperated look.

The man nodded and marked something on his parchment.

"Look" Harry began "we already signed in at the doo-"

"Names?" Interrupted the man.

"What?" Harry asked.

The man sighed looking at the three as if they were especially stupid. Which to be fair considering Ron and Harry's answers responses to his simple inquiries was a fair assessment.

"What are you names?" He repeated posing the question slowly.

Once again Hermione jumped in "Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley" she answered shortly obviously not appreciating being talked down to.

At the names he finally looked up for more than a few seconds looking at the three of them before focusing on Harry, his eyes shooting upwards to Harry's forehead and the place of his famous scar. Harry fought the urge to cover his scar with his hand knowing that it was hidden by his hair.

The mans eyes went back to his parchment once more marking something down.

"Alright, Potter, Granger and Weasley" he muttered scanning a second piece of parchment "you are seated over here" he gestured for them to follow him and started of towards the Hufflepuff table housing Malfoy and the other Weasleys.

"Wait what do you mean were seated over there. We sit at the Gryffindor table were Gryffindors not Hufflepuffs." Ron pointed at his red and gold tie to emphasize his point.

"Your not sitting according to house tables" was the mans short reply. "Please keep to the top end of the table and avoid arguments with fellow table mates" He waved a hand towards the top end of the table and stomped away without another word.

Harry examined the others seated at the table some of those who spotted the three gave a short wave, Malfoy rolled his eyes and sneered. Besides the Weasley's and Malfoys group the top end of the table consisted only of Neville, a spacey looking ravenclaw, Cedric Diggory and surprisingly Krum and Fleur.

The trio seated themselves with Fred, George and Ginny leaving Krum, Fleur, Cedric, the mysterious ravenclaw and an unfortunate Neville to act as a buffer between them and Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle.

"What's going on?" questioned Harry immediately after getting settled.

"Yeah, why are we being told where to sit?" Ron questioned

"Beats us" one of the twins said.

"We simply walked in minding our own business-" added the other.

"Like always"

"When we were directed."

"Quite rudely I might add."

"Towards these lovely seats in which we now preside." Finished the second twin, Harry was fairly certain it was George.

"I do believe we are being seated in a way connected to who's in these stories" an airy voice offered.

As one the group turned to regard the dirty blond Ravenclaw sat next to Neville, wide blue eyes met their gazes and a serene smile was etched on her face. She certainly was strange looking Harry thought, glancing at the abnormal earrings and the corkscrew necklace.

"Your probably right Luna, I just wish I knew what each seating group meant" Ginny's voice broke through his musings.

Fred turned to his sister with a grin "Ginny the polite thing to do would be to introduce us to your friend."

"Yes dear sister" George added "Do try to show the good manners attached to a name like Ginevra."

Ginny blushed slightly and shot a glare at her brothers "I told you to never call me Ginevra."She turned to look at the blond who had been watching with amusement "Luna these annoying prats are my brothers Fred and George, the other redhead is my even pratier brother Ron, those are Ron's best friends Harry Potter and Hermione Granger and the person beside you is Neville Longbottom, everyone this is Luna Lovegood." The group exchanged greetings and lapsed back into conversation.

Harry took the chance to glance round the rapidly filling great hall. The professors were seated directly across Harry at the Ravenclaw table, the head table having been moved to make room for a large board and a comfortable looking armchair directly in front of it. The chair was attached to a smaller board designed to swing round so the person sat in the chair could see it or, Harry supposed, read off it. Everyone attending had been given seats at the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables. The Slytherin table, Harry noted with shock, had been replaced by what could only be described as a magical port-a-potty._ How did I miss that?_

Harry allowed himself to be drawn back into his friends conversation, _this is gonna be a long night. _

The assembled crowd hushed as Bolgryn stepped up to address them. "Welcome back, there are a few things that need to be addressed before we begin mostly concerning information gained from the original writing and subsequent consequences. Firstly it was discovered that the person that has been teaching you DADA for the past few months was in fact not the real Alastor Moody."

Gasps of shock were heard around the hall.

"Bloody hell" was muttered from somewhere beside Harry. Harry himself could barely wrap his head around the news. Not the real Moody? What was going on? Why was someone impersonating Moody? More importantly who had been impersonating him?

The adults in the room did not react in anyway obviously having already been informed of the news.

"I appreciate that this is shocking news but please rest assured the ministry is handling the situation, Mr Crouch who you may have noticed is absent is currently dealing with the impostor who's identity is not currently being released."

The assembled crowd muttered, some casting accusing glances at Dumbledore and a squirming Fudge for allowing this person so close to them at their school; in a position of authority no less.

Bolgryn started speaking again before the gossip could really start flowing.

"The real Alastor Moody will be one of the other people joining us in a few minutes. The second piece of news is that the ministry has been informed and have now confirmed that convicted murderer Sirius Black is innocent of all accused crimes."

The noise in the room swelled, Harry could hear the shocked exclamations of Fred, George and Ginny at the news. Ron was surprised at the news while Hermione was grinning wildly at Harry. Harry himself was filled with such overwhelming joy he that he couldn't restrain the grin on his face if he tried.

Sirius was free. His godfather was free. He wiped quickly at his eyes feeling the tears of happiness gathering there. Luckily only Hermione saw this movement and she just gave him an understanding smile before turning to engage Ron and allow Harry a moment to process.

It took a good five minutes for even Bolgryn to gain back the attention of the crowd after such revelations. Harry was now feeling better then he had in a long time. The trepidation of what would be read (and how it would involve him) disappearing completely in the wake of Sirius's acquittal. These documents had helped his godfather, surely they couldn't be bad.

Once Bolgryn once again commanded complete attention he continued.

"Sirius Black will be another of the people joining us in about two minutes."

Harry's excitement soared, he ignored the concerned mutters about a recently considered murderer being among them. He did notice the looks being thrown his way by people curious to see his reaction to the release of Sirius including Fred, George and Ginny and was sure he came off quite insane sporting a wide smile.

Bolgryn voice boomed once more.

"The others joining us have been informed of everything that's happened so far and will be here shortly. When they arrive you will all be given a ten minutes period to discuss and to let the newcomers get settled. We will then go over the expected content of the stories and rules regarding the reading of them. Thank you for your time." With that Bolgryn stepped down and wondered over to sit with the other ministry employees at the Ravenclaw table.

Barely ten seconds later the doors to the great hall opened. The familiar form of mad-eye Moody entered first followed by the distinguishable red hair of what appeared to be the entire Weasley clan not already present, bringing up the rear was the familiar worn face of Remus Lupin and the shaggy haired form of Sirius Black.

While the others stood waiting to be directed to there seats Sirius looped over, expertly dodging a ministry worker, and stopped directly in front of Harry. Most of the attendee's appeared to be holding their breaths.

Sirius grinned at Harry. "Hey pup"

Harry stood shakily. "Sirius." He launched himself at his godfather.

* * *

Ten minutes later and everyone seemed to be settling down. After witnessing Harry's reaction to Sirius people appeared a lot more willing to except his presence. After all if the son of the people he supposedly betrayed seemed not only fine with him but happy to see him who were they to oppose.

Sirius was now seated across from Harry along with Remus Lupin. Their group at the top of the Hufflepuff table had also been joined the rest of the Weasley clan, while mad-eye had joined the others from the ministry.

Harry turned with the rest of the hall, waiting to be addressed once more by Bolgryn.

"Now that everyone needed is here we can finally begin. First of all it should be noted that the original writing follows the life of Harry Potter."

Every head turned to look at him.

Harry groaned and cursed his luck as he seemed likely to once again become a spectacle.

Snide remarks came from all sides. The tournament incident still fresh in everyone's mind.

"Of course its about Potter when isn't it?"

"Another Potter related incident?"

"If this keeps happening I might just help you-know-who out."

"Bloody Potter"

"This inexplicable magic is all about Potter? _Didn't see that coming._"

"You mean I'm being forced to sit in a hall near mudbloods and blood traitors to read about Potter? Wait till my father hears about this!"

Harry's group glared at everyone who dared make a comment. Six hands reached for wands at Draco's comment being prevented from attacking only by professor Mcgonagall's voice ringing out.

"30 points from slytherin Mr Malfoy for that despicable language."

Snape, who looked like someone had approached him with a bottle of shampoo, was unable to protest the punishment with so many people bearing witness to the comment.

Bolgryn cleared his throat bringing back the attention to himself.

"As I was saying because the original revolves around Mr Potter he and those around him feature prominently in these stories. Some people are much more popular subjects than others so to make it fair a certain number of stories will be available to read each time all revolving around a different set of people. Like I said before though, because of the popularity of some people they will most likely feature prominently in many stories. The list of stories will be refreshed after each reading with all stories being taken out of the selection after being read.

Some stories are only a chapter long with others being much longer. We will only be reading the first chapter of the stories with the rare exception. The job of reading will be distributed among those present.

To pick a story the reader must select the chosen title, once you have made your selection a summary will be provided. After selecting a title it is too late to reconsider and that story must be read to the completion of its first chapter.

The board behind me will be used to display the story as it is read. The story will be chosen by the reader.

We were unable to place a rating filter on the stories so please be careful to select ones below the M rating. We were unable to access the content of most stories without the people on the list present so I have no adivice on what to expect. We did observe that their seems to be a language attached to these stories that seems to allude to content but we were unable to decode it. As you read however the reading device will monitor content and provide you with an explanation of what the word means for future reference.

Until the magic has been successfully disabled you will all be staying in this room. Food and water will be provided through the Gryffindor table the bathroom resides where the Slytherin table once was and changes of clothes and sleeping bags will be provided as needed.

Now then, I and the other non listed ministry employees will be out in the entrance hall where we have set up a temporary work place. We will be monitoring this room and will be available for help through use of the summoning and communication charm attached to the chair. I know some of you may be uncomfortable with reading profanity or other content but it is important that you read exactly what is written. Please remember that these stories are fictional and real life counterparts should in no way be held responsible or accountable for any actions.

We will go in order of the original list received by the ministry for readers, so to start we will have headmaster Dumbledore reading."

Dumbledore approached the chair as Bolgryn left the room with the other employees. Dumbledore hummed happily as he browsed the stories.

"Aha this sounds like a nice tale" he declared.

Harry caught Hermiones eye as they communicated a silent message.

_Hear we go. Again._


	3. Inexplicable and Improbable

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

A/N; No offence is intended to anyone through writing of this story. The views of the characters do **not **necessarily reflect those of the author. All featured writings are fictional and created by the author and any strong similarities to other stories are purely coincidental.

Featured story type; The unexplainable long lost sister fic

Warnings; Horrible spelling, explicit stupidity and scenes of a bad grammar nature.

**Inexplicable and Improbable **

Dumbledore cleared his throat and gazed upon the room with ever twinkling eyes.

"This story is entitled-

**Love and Unification **

A lot of the people gathered groaned, of course Dumbledore had chosen a story with love in the title.

**Summary; Enough was enough- she had decided. It was time to rescue her little bro from evil. Angleicanica Potter was coming to howarts.**

"Wait!" Harry exclaimed "what was her surname?" He desperately hoped he had heard wrong and this person would not be in anyway related to him. Fictional or not he definitely didn't want a sister with a name he couldn't pronounce.

"Ang- what?" Queried Ron.

"I'm pretty sure that's not a name" Padma spoke up.

"Blimey and I thought my name was bad" Ginny said only to slouch down in her seat at her mothers look.

"Yeah, really puts things in perspective" agreed the pink haired auror, Harry was pretty sure her name was Nymph- something.

Ginny smiled at her. "Nymphadora, right?"

"Ugh, Tonks please. I hate that name." She grimaced before smiling back at Ginny.

"She misspelt Hogwarts!" cried Hermione.

"Ha Potter, is your big sister gonna come save you ?" Malfoy mocked to general amusement.

Snape sneered from over in his seat-_ another Potter, just what the world needs._

**Angleicanica Astoria Angelina Ginevra Potter looked at the castle in front of her she had arrived. **

"Hey!" Complained Astoria "she stole my name"

"And mine!" Angelina Johnson added annoyed.

"Pfft, she can have mine" Ginny said. Another pointed look from her mother and Ginny corrected herself "I mean, oh no she stole my name. Nooo, oh the evil of it all." She delivered the lines in a flat voice and her mother rolled her eyes but let it go.

Meanwhile, most of the hall were laughing at the pure absurdity of the name.

"Blimey Gred could you imagine trying to fill out forms with that name?" George addressed his twin.

"I know, oh brother of mine, you would spend half your exam time writing your name!" Agreed said twin.

Hermione paled at the thought. Harry would have bet a decent amount of galleons that the thought of changing her name to something with two or three letters crossed her mind just then. Luckily the return of her common sense discarded the notion. _Good thing to_, Harry thought, _there's no way I'm gonna start calling her, well, Her. He would come across as a sexist pig if he went around referring to Hermione as "Her" all the time. He would look even worse if he went around calling her "He". Ugh, all these he's and hers are confusing. _

Albus quickly continued reading unwilling to continue discussing the merits of a five word name.

**She stepped into the hall and walked towards the cafeteria. **

"The what?" Demanded Hermione who looked like she had been personally insulted. "Hogwarts doesn't have a cafeteria!"

No one else looked that bothered by the description except professor McGonagall who cast the reading screen a scornful look but held her tongue.

**She couldn't wait to see her baby brother. They had been separated when she was only four. Dumbledore had taken her away before voldmort could find out who real cast the spell that night. **

Cue flinch at Voldemorts name. Even misspelled the dark lords name still strikes fear, a true talent.

"I did?" If Dumbledore was taken aback by the use of his name by some strange author wannabe he hid it well.

"Wait what spell?" Harry demanded "Tell me this over named prat isn't trying to take credit for my mum saving me!"

Sirius and Remus looked equally as annoyed.

"Now Harry, it only refers to a spell not that event. For all we know the two could be completely unrelated." Hermione pointed out, ever the voice of reason. Harry would have been more comforted had she sounded like she believed a word she was saying.

**She had been playing with her brother watching him while there parents were doing something. She heard a scream for downstairs and heard someone at the door.**

**She stepped in front of harry "I wont let you hurt my little bro be gone I vanguish you!" **

Harry's face twitched.

The twins were in hysterics at what she had said.

Ron was wondering exactly what sort of four year old she was meant to be.

Hermione was- "She misspelled vanquish!" Well, apparently Hermione was spellchecking.

**she through out her hands and neon pink things shot towards the bald baddie. **

Laughter spread through the hall.

"Bald baddie!" Fred exclaimed

"Oh, this is too good" Ron wiped tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Watch out for his side-kicks Mohawk murderer and comb-over criminal!" George declared.

"Lets not forget our very own greasy-haired git!" Fred seemed unable to prevent himself from adding.

Snape snarled furiously, "30 points from Gryffindor."

His mother glared at him "Fred Weasley how dare you say something like that about your professor!"

Most of the rest of the Gryffindors were too amused to care about the lost points.

The Slytherin's looked completely horrified at the insulting description of the dark lord.

"Neon pink magic?" Hermione once again illustrated her ability to focus on what was _clearly the most important part. _"This is Hogwarts not Barbie's magical castle!"

Though it wasn't her intention her words caused a fresh wave of amusement.

"And she used through instead of threw" This comment was not quite as amusing.

**He cried out as he was vanguished "I will have my revnge angleicanica Astoria angelina ginevra potter I swear it! **

Hermione seemed unable to comment, too horrified by the butchering on the English language.

"Wait" said Dean "He was being killed and yet he still found time to use her whole name?"

"Yeah, why couldn't he just use her first name there's no one else in the room with that name." Seamus agreed.

"There's no one else in the _world _with than name" commented Charlie.

"Also what sort of four year old speaks like this and can use wand less and silent magic?" Michael Corner asked.

"The type who uses said magic to "_vanguish" _you-know-who" Fred smirked, he was enjoying these readings so far.

"Don't forget the use of neon pink something's" his twin added finding the situation equally amusing.

Harry, meanwhile, was debating the chances that he might not appear in the story outside of baby form. So far the odds weren't in his favour.

**She turned to her bro who was crying now she went to comfrot him but triped and fell.**

The dark skinned Auror, Kingsley, chuckled "are they sure her surname is Potter and not Tonks?" Moody grinned in amusement as did all those who had witnessed Tonk's attempts at walking. Tonks glared at him, her hair turning red.

"Whoa, how did you do that?" Ron questioned.

"Huh" Tonks seemed confused before she noticed a good portion of the hall were glancing at her hair. "Oh!" She scrunched up her face and her hair regained its purple colouring. "Sorry I forget that can be strange to some people, see I'm a metamorphmagus." a couple of gasps arose from people who understood including Hermione.

"Wow, really?" She looked at Tonks with interest "how fascinating."

"Oi, is someone gonna fill the rest of us in or what?" Ron grumbled.

Hermione shot him an annoyed look "Honestly Ronald, could you be anymore rude? It means she has the ability to change her appearance at will without the aid of spells or potions." The adults in the room looked suitably impressed with her knowledge.

"10 points to Gryffindor Miss Granger" Flitwick squeaked.

Hermione smiled proudly and Ron rolled his eyes. Harry was surprised that she had no comment on the misspelt words in the sentence and came to the conclusion that she had given up on expressing her displeasure. While Harry was thankful for this (the way this story was going they would have been getting a grammar lesson every other word) it also worried him, if Hermione had given up correcting it after so short a time they were in trouble. After all she was still correcting his and Ron's homework after four years, and those weren't exactly good literature.

**Her hair clip hit her bro and she gasp when she saw it left a scar.**

The Slytherins laughed obnoxiously.

"That how you got your scar pothead? You got cut by a clip? Draco smirked.

"A bald baddie and a hair clip? They seem to be making anything to do with hair into a danger too you Harry." Once more Hermione's comment was unintentionally hilarious and the room roared with laughter.

Harry was a mix between mad and mortified. _A hair clip! I got attacked by a hair clip!_

Mercifully. Dumbledore continued on before further comments could be made.

**Oh no she said but just then an old man with a beard arrived. **

"Ten guesses who that is" Katie grinned looking at Dumbledore.

"Harry's house was no doubt protected by magic how could someone, even Dumbledore, just arrive" huffed Hermione.

Ron gave her a pitying look "Hermione do your self a favour and stop trying to understand this story, it was obviously written by someone with very little talent."

Hermione wasn't the only one to look at Ron, shocked by what he had said.

"What?" He said annoyed "I can give some good advice once in a while."

The twins snorted.

Molly smiled at her son, _he's become so much more mature._

**Angleicanica astora angelina ginevra potter you have deafeted the darth lord you are very powerful we need to get you to a safe place.**

"They spelt my name wrong!" Astoria glared at the board.

"Is it really necessary to use her entire name every time someone addresses her?" Cho asked, annoyed at all the repetition.

"Well I suppose the author doesn't want us to forget the name" Flitwick mused.

Hooch snorted "More like _they _don't want to forget their ridiculously given name, so they keep repeating it. Sort of like how you repeat a shopping list so you remember it. Be a bit embarrassing if they forgot their own characters name now wouldn't it?"

"Darth?" Justin chuckled "Since when is you-know-who a star wars fan?"

Dean laughed.

Those in the room with a magical upbringing were completely lost by Justin's joke. The Slytherins sneered correctly assuming it was something connected to the muggle world. They were unable to comment on this however with so many professors and muggle lovers in the room.

"Is it just me or do they seem to make Dumbledore come across as very simple?" Ginny asked.

Arthur nodded at her words "its true ,the way its written does seem to make his sound rather dumb. No offence Albus!" He added quickly smiling sheepishly at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore chuckled "None taken my lad. After all the person in this story is not really me merely based on me, somewhat loosely I might add."

"Seriously, they spelt my name wrong!" Astoria seemed quite stuck on this point.

Harry sighed "Its not that big of a deal, they only missed a single letter."

Astoria glared at him.

"**but what about my little bro and mum and dad." "do not worry your parents are dead I will take care of hairy now come with me."**

"Holy crap!" Parvati shouted. "Way to be sensitive there professor."

Dumbledore frowned slightly at his characters crass dismissal of the death of Lily and James.

"Don't worry your parents are dead?" George looked baffled. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and I live with Ron."

"Hey!"

"George!"

Came the separate cries of Ron and Molly.

"What next?" Lee added. "Its ok your just dying? Or maybe, calm down you only lost your leg?"

Harry, though upset by the portrayal of his parents death, was focused on something else. "Hairy?" He repeated. "Hairy!"

Astoria smirked feeling vindicated for her own reaction "Calm down" she mocked "they only changed a single letter."

He glared at her.

**Now she was sixteen and she had come to help her little brother who voldemort was trying to kill. **

(Cue flinch at Voldemorts name)

"At least something's never change, hey mate" Ron nudged Harry "Even in this story your life is in danger."

**Hes probably trying to get me to come and save harry so he can kill me she fought sadly. **

Harry was really starting to dislike this girl. His character was being target by a psycho murderer and she was making it all about her!

"Wow, self absorbed much?" Alicia commented.

There was a general agreement from around the hall.

"Well she is apparently a potter" Snape drawled to the amusement of most of the Slytherins.

Harry's group glared at him.

"Severus" Dumbledore reprimanded.

**She went into the greart hall and ever one loked at her. **

"Of course we did" Ernie said "A random stranger just walked in while we were having a meal."

Hermione twitched at the spelling but made no comment.

**Dumbledore looked shocked and mad.**

General disbelief met this sentence. No one felt the need to comment on the obvious out of character description.

**Angleiacania Astoria angelina ginevra potter what are you doing here. **

"Seriously again with the full name!" Lavender exclaimed.

"Did she just spell her own characters name wrong?" Padma looked put out.

"Indeed she did Miss Patil." McGonagall turned to Hooch "What was that you were saying about embarrassing?"

Hooch grinned "Honestly I don't think it can get more embarrassing at this point."

Harry heard Hermione mutter something about capital letters, question marks and speech marks.

**Harry look at her shocked cause of her second name.**

"No, really?" Harry said with fake surprise "A complete randomer shows up at Hogwarts with my last name and bursts into the great hall and I'm shocked, I wonder why?

**remus and sirus (a/n he was freed from Azkaban cuz someone saw him at the shop when murders happened)**

"What?" Many people exclaimed.

Mouths opened and closed but there really were no words to describe the stupidity of that comment.

Hermione shook away thoughts of the idiotic sentence and focused on the other part of it. "Did they just use an authors note in the middle of a story?" Then she remembered something else "hey, had we even met Sirius at this point, and even if we had and he was proven innocent what is he doing at Hogwarts?"

Unfortunately no one had any answers for Hermione. They could only assume that logic was not factored in to this _fan fiction._

Sirius and Remus were horrified that they were being included in this story.

Also, "She spelt my name wrong!" Sirius said annoyed.

Harry and Astoria smirked. _Vindication._

**also but they also looked realy happy. Sirius had tears in his eyes he was so happy. Im hear for my baby bro and to fight voldemort everyone gasped.**

Cue flinch at voldemort's name. Harry rolled his eyes this was going to get annoying. He cringed when she referred to his character "baby bro".

Malfoy snickered "Well Potter looks like _Big sis _has come to rescue _baby bro_"

Harry flushed as the hall chuckled. "Shut up, Malfoy."

"10 points from Gryffindor Mr Potter" Snape smirked, ignoring the protests of the other Gryffindors.

**They went to Dumbledore office to talk his bird flew over to her.**

"Fawkes is a phoenix" Dumbledore muttered, bothered by his friends description.

**She was very good with animals. **

"Of course she was" Diggory rolled his eyes annoyed at how this girl was being presented.

**She gave it a kiss and told it speak it said what she said then she put it away. **

"What?" Questioned Ron.

Harry glared at the screen "Fawkes is a phoenix not a bloody parrot!"

"They should not refer to him as an it, disrespecting a phoenix can result in a nasty visit from gorgon gnomes" Luna said dreamily.

"Uh ok" Harry said quickly before one of the other students could mock what she had said. "You're right, they refer to Fawkes as an object, "[t]hen she put it away" honestly."

He caught Hermione's eye silently asking what Luna had been talking about, but she looked confused. _Uh oh _he thought worried for Luna _Hermione gets annoyed when she doesn't understand things._

Thankfully Dumbledore moved on before anymore could be said.

**Wow your very good with animals Dumbledore said impressed. He came towards me to say hi but was pushed out the way Sirius and fell on the flore. **

Dumbledore looked at Sirius in amusement "A simple excuse me might have also worked, Mr Black."

Sirius grinned "But this way is so much faster professor" Dumbledore chuckled.

"Typical Black," Snape muttered "arrogant and rude."

"Why was Albus going over to say hi?" Flitwick frowned. "Surely the words they exchanged before and the time that elapsed before they arrived at the office would negate the need for a greeting."

Once more no one could explain the logic of the story.

**Siruis looked at me and said angleicana Astoria angleina ginevra potter is it really you.**

"We already know her bloody name, stop God damn repeating it!" Ron spat.

"She spelt my name wrong!" Angelina glared at the screen.

Astoria, Harry and Sirius smirked. _Vindication._

**I nod. He gave me a big hug and cry saying how he fought I was dead. Lupin joined in our hug also cyring.**

"I would not cry!" Both Remus and Sirius shouted indignantly. This did nothing to stop the snickering of the rest of the hall.

**Sirus lookes at Dumbledore why did you say she was dead. I needed voldemort ****(Cue flinch)**** to think that so he wouldn't go after her. Oh ok.**

"Oh ok" George mocked "No need to tell me or anything just let me believe someone I appear to care about is dead."

"Yeah" continued his twin "No hard feelings, its all good. No explanation needed I completely understand your lying and you ignoring my grief."

**Why they talked I went over to harry hi harry im your big sis angleicanica Astoria angelina ginevra potter. **

"Wait" Remus said "Did she just switch from 3rd person to 1st person with no warning?"

Hermione was equally as unimpressed.

Most of the hall was too busy overcoming confusion at the abrupt POV change to comment.

**Really he said with tears. **

Harry flushed as everyone laughed. _Between this, baby Harry and little bro Harry this story is really ruining any macho reputation I have- and Cho's here reading as well! Just great. _

**I nooded. He hugged me I love you angleicanica Astoria angelina genevra potter. **

"Awe" Pansy smirked "how cute baby bro Potter loves his big sis."

Harry looked at the table to avoid looking at any of the many people making mocking faces at him.

"They spelt my name wrong!" Ginny flushed when she received several curious looks. "Not that I care or anything."

Astoria, Harry, Sirius and Angelina smirked. _Vindication_.

**I love you to. I said. Suddenly the dore bust open it was voldemort!**

(Cue flinch)

(Cue Harry eye roll)

"Is this author seriously suggesting that you-know-who could simply waltz into our school?" McGonagall's accent became thicker with her indignation.

"How can you spell door wrong?" Hermione cried.

"Thank god something interrupted the love fest I was gonna puke" Marcus said.

"Seriously" Hermione continued "it only has four letters and two of them are O's!"

**I knew you were still alive angleicana Astoria angelina ginevra potter. How did you no I gasp. I follow you on twitter. Uh I gasped again your snakeeyes4eva. Yes he laughed evilly. **

After a confusing couple of minutes filled with "what's?" The group decided to completely ignore the last few sentences due to not knowing what the bloody hell it meant. (Luna's suggestion of it being a secret code to form an uprising of Twitter Pixies and four eyed foaming snakes was also ignored.)

**Where is everyone else Dumbledore said. **

"Wow finally someone asked a decent question" commented Oliver.

"Don't get used to it mate, I doubt It'll last long" replied Lee.

**I shot him an mad look for not focusing on what was going on. **

"God this girl is selfish" said Alicia

"I know" agreed Katie "It doesn't matter what happens to everyone else as long as Miss. Dozen names is ok"

**I killed the voldemort **(Cue flinch) **grined. **

"He killed the what?" Queried Bill.

"I do believe the author meant to write them Mr Weasley." Dumbledore clarified.

"Wait so we've all just been killed off, just like that?" Seamus was annoyed at the portrayal of everyone the authors character didn't directly interact with.

"How'd he manage to kill all of us?" Zacharias questioned.

"I can only guess that he brought help Mr Smith" Sprout looked at the slightly disturbed faces of the students. She understood, after all it was alarming to be killed even in a story.

**Dumbledore sighed that wasn't very nice voldemort.**

(Cue flinch)

"Bit of an understatement don't you think professor? Lee asked.

"Yeah" Oliver agreed "Someone taking the last piece of cake and not asking you if you want it first isn't very nice. Killing off an entire school is just plain evil."

**I don't care im going to kill you now angleican Astoria angelina ginevra potter. He shot a spell at me but I hid behind lupin. **

"Oh that's right" Sirius said annoyed "Just let the spell hit Remus, instead"

Many others also looked mad at the treatment of their former professor and student.

Remus frowned at the girls disregard for the safety of others.

**Take this foul beast I screamed and used my magic to kill him. **

"Well, that was anti-climatic." Justin said.

Everyone else was just annoyed. _Darkest wizard of all time who is responsible for the death of so many and she just kills him as easy as crushing an ant._

**We went down to the hall and everyone was really exited that he was dead for good. **

"Wait what, I thought we were dead?" Cedric looked very confused.

"Well now that were convenient I suppose were alive again" Hannah Abbott huffed.

**Me and harry lived happy with lupin and sirus for the next few years befor I married ron and became angleicana Astoria angelina ginevra lupin Dumbledore black (a/n she added there name because they were like a dad to her) potter weasley. **

"We what!" Shouted a horrified Ron, going red under the taunts and snickers of his classmates and siblings.

"Great" Cho sighed "Clearly what this story needed was to give the main character even more names."

"Thank god its over" smiled Hermione.

"Yeah" agreed Ginny "No offence headmaster but you have the worst story picking ability ever. I'm pretty sure the one you just read was the worst one there."

Dumbledore chuckled "No offence taken Miss Weasley. Now I do believe it is Minevera's turn to read." He said while reading the next name of the screen.

Dumbledore walked back towards the Ravenclaw table as McGonagall rose with slight trepidation to take her turn at reading.

Hermione smiled slightly at a still traumatized Harry and Ron.

"Look at it this way it can only get better from here, right?"


	4. Angst and Outrage

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

A/N; No offence is intended to anyone through writing of this story. This is simply meant as a light hearted bit of fun. The views of the characters do **not **necessarily reflect those of the author. All featured writings are fictional and created by the author and any strong similarities to other stories are purely coincidental.

Note to anyone reading this (if anyone's reading this) if you have any suggestions as to what type of fic the group should read next I'd be happy to read them. I'm fine with including most types. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Featured story type; Everyone sucks but Harry (AKA- wrong boy-who-lived) fic.

Warnings; OOC, bashing, bashing and yet more bashing. (May also feature angsty self pity and psychopathic tendencies.)

* * *

**Angst and Outrage**

"Not that this isn't all very interesting, but I am a very busy man and from what I just saw these stories and simply about Mr Potter and Hogwarts." Fudge looked at Dumbledore "I don't understand why were here" he gestured to himself and the other ministry employees.

Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow in his direction "I can only guess that you are mentioned in some of the other stories Cornelius, I'm afraid I was only given the same information as the others in this room. I was not involved in the planning of this event in any way. He gave Fudge a full twinkle stare. "Its is interesting though and I must admit I've always wanted to join a book club, though perhaps with further thought out plots and less familiar characters."

"What's that?" Justin called out.

Everyone followed his gaze across the hall towards the screen where writing had appeared.

Harry read the words carefully.

OC; An abbreviation of the term original character. This is a character of the authors creation inserted into a pre-made universe that the author is writing about.

"It would appear that this is an example of the language explanations Warren referenced." Dumbledore answered.

Ron looked baffled "What does it mean though?"

Hermione looked thoughtful "Well, Mr Bolgryn did say that the original text was likely a form of entertainment in the world these stories are from. If we are all considered characters in a book then obviously this world also has an author who they believe created us. The wizarding world therefore is probably considered a universe created by the author of the original work."

"So our world is considered a fantasy universe and the girl we just read about is an OC inserted by the author of the story we just read?" Harry questioned slowly, putting Hermione's explanation together in his head.

Hermione beamed at him "exactly."

"Wait" Terry said "If we exist and they think were only characters in a story, does that mean that the characters in books we read also exist in another world. Possibly reading stories about people in a different world like a continuous loop?"

...

"Bloody hell" Ron rubbed his forehead "My head hurts."

Luckily they were saved from contemplating this further when McGonagall called out.

"I believe I have found a suitable story, its called

**Cast Away**

"Well at least it doesn't sound all lovey dovey" Marcus said to general agreement from most males in the room.

"As long as it doesn't involve another sister" Harry muttered, Hermione and Ron offering him sympathetic looks.

**Summary; Read and find out.**

"Well that was helpful" Seamus remarked.

**Harry Potter sighed as he gazed down from his window at his father and brother playing a game in the garden. **

Harry groaned, he was included again.

Ron tried to contain his grin "Well mate, they didn't give a sister."

Sirius grinned "James is alive in this."

Harry brightened up looking forward to reading about life with his parents.

**His father caught him looking and glared at him, Harry quickly closed the window and returned to his bed not wanting to get in trouble. **

"He glared at you?" Sirius asked incredulously "That doesn't sound like James at all, he could barely keep a straight face most of the time. Plus he was a complete marshmallow for you and Lily. You must of done something really naughty to annoy him." He grinned at Harry "Good for you."

**He sighed sadly thinking wistfully of meeting someone who would actually care about him one day.**

Harry growled in annoyance, pointedly ignoring the taunts of the Slytherins. Why did these people always make him out to be so emotional?

"Wait" Hermione glanced at him "if you've got your parents in this story why are you acting all depressed and saying no one cares about you?"

"Well it is sort of normal isn't it?" Padma suggested "I mean when a kid gets in trouble or are angry at their parents they always have dramatic thoughts. Its why so many run away after fights."

Every one considered that, impressed with her reasoning.

"5 points to Ravenclaw Miss Patil, for excellent deductive reasoning" Flitwick smiled proudly.

Padma flushed but looked happy.

**James Potter smiled as his wife came out of the manor, Albus Dumbledore in tow. **

"It would appear that I am also making an appearance in this story" Dumbledore said looking mildly amused.

Severus started slightly at the mention of Lily, then bristled at her being referred to as Potter's wife.

**James put an arm around Lily and they both smiled as Albus began to talk with their pride and joy, making sure he was ready for Hogwarts next week.**

"Their pride and joy?" Fred grinned at Harry "welcome to the club of unfavoured children."

Harry rolled his eyes with a slight smile.

Molly glared at her son "We don't play favourites."

Arthur grinned "But if we did, would you and George count as one child or would we have to rate you both separately?"

"Arthur!" Molly scolded, as their children laughed.

"That depends" Fred returned "Who rates higher?"

Arthur grinned and turned away.

"Why is professor Dumbledore making sure he's ready for Hogwarts?" Daphne asked.

Snape sneered "They probably just wanted an excuse for him to be there and that's the best reason their meagre mind could formulate"

**James swelled with pride as his son assured Albus he was completely ready and had been practicing his spells. **

"Yes, because the art of conversation is always something to be proud of" Snape mocked. "Clearly Potter sets the bar of expectation very low for his children." He eyed Harry "Though I can see why."

Harry glared at him. Sirius made a move towards Snape but both Harry and Remus grabbed his arm.

Dumbledore looked at Snape disapprovingly.

McGonagall continued before tempers flared.

**James, Lily and Albus went to the living room to discuss things. **

"Informative" Cho rolled her eyes.

**They were joined by Sirius and Remus, James's best friends. **

"Oh goodie we're included" Sirius said dryly.

"Hopefully there'll be less crying this time." Remus added.

**Ever since that fateful night 10 years ago these meetings had become a regular occurrence.**

**Voldemort **(cue flinch) **had attacked them at their house stunning James and Lily and attacking their twin sons Harry and Herbert. **

McGonagall faltered slightly on Voldemorts name but managed to say it and keep going**.**

"Herbert ?" George winked at Harry "Welcome to the unfavoured but better named children club."

"It's like the unfavoured children club but with better decorations" Fred added.

"Why would he only stun Lily and James?" Sirius looked confused "Its not like he actually cared who he killed."

"Also why is you-know-who even be there if not to kill Harry's parents?" Padma glanced around "Its not like he would be there specifically to kill the babies"

Dumbledore and Snape fidgeted internally, relieved when McGonagall continued to read and the question was simply passed of as lack of logic in the story.

**When they had come around Harry and Herbert had been crying and Voldemort **(cue flinch) **was no where to be seen. **

Harry rolled his eyes. _Why was he always crying in these stories?_

**Harry had been left with an small ugly scar on his forehead and Herbert had a larger one across his neck and collar bone. **

"Hey!" Harry protested. _Ugly was such a strong word._

**When Albus had arrived he had examined the twins room and after seeing the scar on Herbert declared that he had defeated Voldemort **(cue flinch) **and save his and Harry's life. **

"What makes him so sure it was not Harry?" Lavender asked.

Ron groaned "Another sibling that was really the one to defeat you-know-who?"

"It does seem rather repetitive." Cho agreed.

**After that Herbert was hailed as the boy-who-lived and they trained him in magic so he could defeat Voldemort **(cue flinch) **once and for all when he returned.**

"They started training a one year old in magic?" Ernie snorted

"Why is he automatically the one that can destroy him for good?" Cedric glanced around. "Fair enough he defeated him once but isn't it a bit narrow minded to think that means he's the only one who can destroy him for good?"

Severus and Dumbledore fidgeted internally once more.

**James turned to Sirius "have you got the paperwork?"**

"**Yep" Sirius smiled "You and Lily just need to sign it and its all set"**

**Albus nodded "Very good, we cant have Harry bringing down Herbert by being connected to him through the Potter name."**

"What!" Sirius exploded. "What the bloody hell do they mean by that?"

"Why would Harry bring Herbert down by having the same name?" Justin asked.

"Wait does that mean they're changing Harry's name?" Seamus narrowed his eyes "seems a bit like overkill to me."

"Yeah" Fred agreed "we never changed Ron's name"

"Though not from lack of trying" smiled George.

Molly glared at her sons.

Ron made a rude gesture at them while his mother was distracted.

**Lily snorted "I know, I caught the brat trying to sneak into the library a few days ago. Trying to out perform Herbert no doubt."**

Severus glared at the screen. How dare they portray Lily like that? She was the kindest person he had ever met, and these talent less moron's were making her out to be a horrible one.

"Ok seriously, what's with all the ragging on Harry?" Hannah asked.

Hermione scoffed "Harry trying to sneak into a library? Yeah, right."

Sirius and Remus were glaring at the screen, too furious to talk. The Slytherins were unwilling to make any comments with the two men so visibly angry.

**Lupin looked outraged "I hope you gave him a good punishing! Honestly that boy has been nothing but trouble to Herbert, he should be ashamed of himself."**

Remus snarled. How dare they portray him like this!

"Ok, this is just ridiculous" Neville sighed.

**James smiled at Lupin "Don't worry I gave him a good kicking." **

"What!" Sirius thundered "How dare they? "James would never hurt Harry! Never!"

"Sirius" Dumbledore intoned gently "Remember what Warren told us about the actions of the characters being entirely fictional. We know James would never act like this, nor would Lily or anyone else featured in this story act the way they have been portrayed. Everyone take a deep breathe and lets just get through the rest of this story. Getting angry will help no one and only hurt yourself." He finished giving Sirius a gentle look.

Sirius did as he was told and McGonagall waited a few minutes too let everyone calm down before she continued.

**Lily, Albus, Sirius and Lupin smiled at him approvingly. **

Sirius and Remus twitched. No one commented, wanting to finish this story as quickly as possible.

**Albus looked at Lily "What are you changing his name to may I ask?" **

**James answered "Well we were going to give him Sirius or Lupin name but they didn't want to be associated with the brat, so we just changed it to lightning because of the shape of that scar of his." he waved his hand to show he didn't care.**

Sirius and Remus glanced at him "Your always welcome to either of our names Harry." Remus assured. Sirius nodded in agreement.

Harry grinned at them reassuringly "thanks, but I think I'll stick to Potter for now." They grinned back.

"Harry Lightning? Sorry Harry, we're going to have to revoke your membership for the unfavoured but better named children club" Fred teased gently, trying to lighten the mood.

Harry smiled at him "somehow, I'll live."

"**Good" Albus said approvingly.**

**Harry was let out of his room when the Weasleys came to visit. **

The Weasleys paled and exchanged nervous glances worried about how they would be portrayed in this story.

**He made sure to keep far out the way as everyone exchanged greetings. Molly Weasley spotted him. **

Molly looked hopeful, maybe she would actually be nice to Harry.

**She sneered "Still got that thing, Lily? She gestured to Harry. **

Molly looked stricken and misty eyed at her description.

Harry reached forward and took her hand "don't worry Mrs Weasley, I know you would never act like that.

She squeezed his hand and gave him a watery smile before letting go and gathering herself. She would follow Albus's advice and not let this story get to her.

The Weasley children glared at the screen how dare they describe their mother like that.

**Lily shrugged at her in a what you gonna do way. Arthur stayed home with the others; Percy's busy with school work and Fred and George are grounded.**

Fred, George, Percy and Arthur sighed in relief.

**Harry was relieved, last time the twins had come they had decided it would be fun tie him to a tree and see who could punch harder.**

The twins looked furious. They would never do that to someone!

Their friends and team members also looked annoyed at this. This story was really starting to annoy everyone, even the Slytherins thought it was going completely overboard!

McGonagall picked up the pace, determined to finish this story before someone's control snapped.

**The adults had cheered them on from the sidelines. **

Knuckles clenched harder.

**Harry went into the game room with his brother and the youngest two Weasleys. Herbert immediately punched in the face and then kicked him repeatedly Ron and Ginny joining in gleefully. **

Ron purpled with rage, Hermione and Harry both reaching out to calm him as the twins did the same with Ginny.

**Then they wondered off to go play a game. Harry watched as Herbert showed Ron and Ginny his Hogwarts letter which was written personally by the headmaster. **

"Of course it was, because he's a special snowflake." Hooch muttered.

**It took them achingly long to read the letter often having to sound out the words. It was truly shocking how stupid they were. **

By now nearly everyone was glaring at the screen. Molly looked ready to attack at any moment for the insult too her children.

The Slytherins looked like they were in actual pain, having to hold back their comments. None of the wanted to become the target of all that rage however, so they kept quiet.

**After they finally left and everyone had gone too bed, Harry reached into his secret draw and pulled out the books he had stolen from the Black library on one of the many visits with Herbert and his parents. They were books filled with dark spells. **

Harry spluttered.

Eyes rolled throughout the room.

"And the ridiculousness keeps on coming" Hermione sighed.

**Harry had mastered many of them. He couldn't wait for the day when he would use them against the people who had treated him with such cruelty. **

Hands clenched even further and teeth ground together. McGonagall read even faster.

**He put his book back and fell asleep to delightful thoughts of pained filled whimpers and begs for mercy.**

Luna smiled "I'm fond of picturing landscapes and scenery myself. His way does sound a bit worrying though, he might benefit from smearing babbling fairy powder on his feet before he sleeps."

Luna's comment relaxed many people as they were now focused on decoding what she just said and not on the story.

**Voldemort contemplated from the back of Quirrells head. **

Hardly anyone flinched at his name this time too intent on finishing the story.

**None but him were aware of what really happened that night of who truly cast the magic that had robed him of his body. **

"So it actually was Harry then?" Parvati asked.

"Sounds like it" her twin answered.

**Next week the new first years would arrive at Hogwarts and everyone's attention would be on the idiotic fool Herbert. **

"Its pretty scary that you-know-who actually just made the most sense of anyone in this thing" Fred looked slightly wierded out.

**Leaving the real Boy-who-lived, Harry Potter, unprotected. Voldemort cackled evilly into the night. **

"Poor Quirrell trying to sleep with all that random cackling." George said.

McGonagall sprung up from the chair, "that was the end of the chapter"

A cheer rang round the hall.

Every one held their breath as the next name was read off the board, none wanting to be the unlucky reader.

"Filius, its your turn."

Flitwick sighed as he exchanged positions with Minevera.

"Are they all going to be this bad?" Ron asked worried "that one was even worse than the first!"

"Well, the grammar and spelling were a lot better." Hermione commented. She was very glad she had yet to feature in these stories. Hopefully her luck would hold.

Harry cut Ron off before an argument could start. "So, do you think the next one will be better?"

Neville spoke up "Well I doubt it can get worse, can it?"

The others exchanged uneasy glances. Could it?


	5. Anger and Uprising

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

* * *

A/N; No offence is intended to anyone through writing of this story. The views of the characters do **not **necessarily reflect those of the author. All featured writings are fictional and created by the author and any strong similarities to other stories are purely coincidental.

Thank you to anyone who made a suggestion, also to those who reviewed/faved/followed.

Once again, to anyone reading this (if anyone's reading this) if you have any suggestions as to what type of fic the group should read next I'd be happy to read them. I'm fine with including most types. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Featured story type; Ministry solutions suck! (AKA marriage law) fic.

Warnings; The ignoring of basic human rights and free will. Racism and Sexism.

* * *

**Anger and Uprising**

Everybody chatted amongst themselves, topics straying pointedly from anything to do with the last story.

Filius was attempting to select a story that wouldn't be as painful to read as the previous two. _This one, no that one but what about the first one; argh! How is anyone supposed to choose a story purely by the title!_

The Slytherin's were complaining rather loudly about having to read about Potter and being stuck in this room.

"Give it a rest will you" grumbled an annoyed Moody "all of us are stuck in a room reading these idiotic stories. Stop whining like three year olds."

The hall snickered while the Slytherin's flushed.

"It would appear we are getting yet another language explanation." Everyone turned to the board at Dumbledore's words.

Bashing; When the author portrays a character they dislike in a very negative light. This often includes making them act in away they normally wouldn't; making them evil, especially dumb or describing the character in an insulting manner. Sometimes bashing occurs not because the author dislikes the character but to create sympathy for the main character or give the main character something to overcome.

"Wait so we just all got bashed" Ron asked gesturing to himself and the rest of his family.

"Sounds like it" Harry agreed "Wait does this mean the author was making me all depressed and psycho because they like my character?"

"That makes, like, zero sense to me but whatever." Seamus commented.

"Or maybe the author just hated all of us including Harry" Ginny suggested.

While they continued to throw ideas around Fleur, Krum and their respective head teachers were wondering exactly what sort of situation they had been forced to participate in. _Were all British people this insane?_

Filius finally gave up on trying to decide on a story and just closed hi eyes and picked one at random.

"Well, apparently were reading this story, its called-

**Love by law**

"Great, the last thing I want to read is these authors attempting a love story." grumbled Michael.

"Really Filius?" Hooch sighed

**Summary; After the war the British magical community needs to rebuild. To help this along the ministry pass a new law, that not everyone's happy with. Will it all work out? HG/OW HP/LL NL/GW RW/PP GW/CC FW/KB PW/LB**

"Hey" Bill said brightly "at least in this we won the war."

"What law?" demanded Fudge. _How dare these people write about them creating new laws_.

"More importantly, why aren't we happy with it?" Hermione asked disturbed by the vague summary.

"I would hardly say that's more important" Fudge muttered under his breath.

"What's with all the letters and slashes?" Ernie asked.

"Its probably more of the language they use" Padma answered. Everyone shivered, the use of that language could lead no where good.

**The wind was blowing as a figure appeared with a pop near the house. Hermione sighed as she made her way to the front door.**

Hermione's stomach dropped and she paled at the mention of her name. _Looks like I just ran out of luck. _

"Yes!" Harry shouted "I'm not the main character."

She received several looks of sympathy (and some amused ones from the Sltherin's).

"It might not be me, maybe its another of Harry's siblings with my name" It sounded weak even to her.

**She was meeting with the Weasley's and Harry cause today was the day the new law took effect. **

The Weasley's and Harry groaned. Hermione smirked, if she was going down she wasn't going down alone!

**She just hoped she hadn't been paired with someone to horrid. **

"Paired?" Hermione looked curious "is this some sort of law for a work partnership or something?"

The adults in the room were looked uneasy, having a bad feeling about where this was going.

**She thought back to when Fudge had announced the new law, the outrage it had caused.**

Fudge gave an undignified squeak at the mention of his name in the stories, causing much amusement.

Everyone was starting to get a bit unsettled now, if it was simply a work partnership law why were they so outraged? Also they had never heard of a work partnership law.

**That smug look on that toads Umbridge's face as ministry officials were declared exempt. **

"How dare they!" Umbridge was incensed at the audacity of this person to describe her in such a way.

The other Ministry employees, who's names weren't Cornelius Fudge, were looking slightly pained as they tried to keep in their laughter.

**Honestly she had no idea how the two of them had managed to keep their jobs after the mess they had made during the fight against Voldemort. **

It took Flitwick a good minute to choke out the name but Harry was pleasantly surprised to find that a good portion of the hall were no longer flinching at the name.

Fudge and Umbridge looked outraged. _These authors were slandering the names of Ministry officials!_

**Well, it didn't matter now anyway because of this stupid marriage law she was going to be Wed before she even turned 19. **

"What!" came the shocked exclamation of, well, most of the hall.

"Is that even legal?" Ron said dumbly.

"I believe the point of the entirety of the last chapter was about it being made legal, Weasley." Snape drawled. Ron flushed in embarrassment.

"The Ministry would never pass such a callous law." stated Amelia firmly.

Fudge glared at her. _That was his line!_

"This is gonna be another ridiculous one again isn't it?" Neville sighed.

**Not to mention the fact that a child had to be conceived in the first year. **

"What!" Came the shout of, once more, most of the hall.

"That's not a law!" shrieked Lavender "that's just the Ministry pimping us out!"

"If the Ministry tried to pass a law like that there wouldn't be outrage, there'd be an uprising." Hermione rolled her eyes.

**She understood the population was declining after all the death in the war but that didn't make it any less annoying. **

"That's the reason?" Amelia said shocked "There's a decline in the population so we immediately decide the best thing to do is force people to get married? Did it not occur to us to do, well anything else."

"This just sounds like it would lead to another war if you ask me" Terry said.

"Annoying? The ministry are marrying us all off and I simply find it annoying?" Hermione mocked. "And I suppose the war was simply a minor inconvenience?"

**She was greeted by Mrs Weasley at the door who ushered her in. **

"**Hey Hermione" Harry said he was sat with his arm around Ginny. **

Harry and Ginny blushed as people around them wolf whistled.

**It was worse for them she thought. Everyone of any age of fertility was being forced to marry if they weren't already, but within the age group of 17 - 25 they were forcing people to marry people of similar magical potential. **

No shocked exclamation was issued this time as people simply rolled their eyes.

"That has got to be the worst match making idea in the world" Parvati said "So they can banish objects the same distance, what would that matter if they had nothing in common or found each other unattractive?"

**That meant they were splitting up couples that were already engaged or married. **

"Oh come on" Hermione complained "This whole thing is about repopulating and their splitting up the people that would do it happily?

**So Harry and Ginny were to be divorced after only 2 months of marriage unless the piece of paper on its way by owl had each others name on it. **

Ginny and Harry blushed again.

"Marrying our sister Harry?" Fred smirked.

"Just make sure its not for a long time or we'll be forced to unleash some of our more dangerous pranks" George warned.

Harry gulped as Mrs Weasley scolded the twins.

"

**Hi Harry" she said "you ready for today?" she regretted asking the question when the two burst in to tears and then engaged in a weepy make out sesh. **

Harry and Ginny created a new shade of red they blushed so brightly.

The hall was filled with laughter.

"Weepy make out sesh?" Draco laughed "How sad."

Harry sighed as he took note of another part of the sentence. _Why am I always crying in these things?_

**Ron came trotting down the stairs. "Hey Hermione" he said glumly. **

"**Cheer up little bro" said Fred "I mean this is probably the only way anyone will ever agree to marry you."**

Fred grinned at least he was somewhat amusing. Not to mention that was totally true.

**Everyone shut up as owls flew towards the house. The the five applicable and present Weasley's all received one and so did Hermione and Harry.**

There was momentary confusion from the double word use.

"**Well then" said George "On the count of three"**

"We're opening letters to tell us who were being forced to marry and were having a countdown? Why are none of us taking this seriously?" Hermione asked desperately.

**George counted down and they all opened the envelopes to see to whom they had paired.**

**Hermione gasped as she stared down at the name she had been given. Oh no they had absolutely nothing in common. What on earth would they talk about. **

"Really, that's my big concern? Not that I have to marry this person or have a child with them but what we will talk about while eating dinner?" Hermione huffed.

**She sighed as she looked at the name again. Oliver Wood.**

Hermione chocked on air, blushing brightly as the wolf whistles were now directed her way.

Oliver sighed. _Great, now he was being written into this disaster._

"**OMG!" said Ron "This must be wrong. They can't honestly expect me to marry Pansy Parkinson!"**

"What!" came the joint cry of Ron and Pansy.

"I would never marry her/him" They once again spoke simultaneously.

"I don't know" Fred smirked "You seem very in tune with each other."

"If that's the case then I guess you'll be marrying George?" Ginny questioned mildly.

Fred shut up.

"**Wow" George said "A Slytherin that's tough bro."**

"**Who did you get?"**

"**That Chinese girl Harry used to have a massive crush on, what was her name?" "Chow mein?"**

Cho looked furious.

"Wow that's racist" Zacharias whistled.

Everyone agreed.

Harry was glad everyone was too focused on that to notice the mention of his crush. _It's really creepy how they know these things. _

"**Chow Chang" Harry corrected. "Your lucky she's totally hot."**

Cho twitched, expression thunderous.

"That's so rude" Lavender said "They couldn't even be bothered to get her name right."

Fred smirked at Harry "hot, huh?"

Harry blushed.

**Ginny elbowed him "Not as hot as you though my spicy Satsuma" he told her.**

Even Harry and Ginny couldn't help but crack a smile at that.

Laughter rang out from all sides littered with the occasional repeat of the words "spicy Satsuma"

"**Who'd you get paired with Fred?" **

"**Katie Bell" he said smugly "Girl knows how to handle her balls." He waggled his eyebrows and everyone laughed.**

Jaws dropped throughout the hall.

"That's disgusting!" Angelina yelled out in defence of her friend.

Fred looked horrified "I would never say something like that!"

"God, this story's racist and sexist" Lavender shook her head.

"**What bout you Harry?" **

"**Luna Lovegood"**

Harry blushed once more while Luna simply retained her serene smile.

"**Not, bad"**

"**Perce?"**

"**Lavender Brown"**

Lavender looked shocked and Percy looked deeply embarrassed.

"**Oh nice one." Ron said thinking about his ex "bit to yappy for my tastes though."**

Lavender and Parvati glared at Ron.

"It wasn't me!" He defended raising his hands. _Great apparently his character had also caught the sexism going round. _

"**Gin?" **

"**Neville Longbottom." she sighed extremely disappointed. **

Neville looked embarrassed . The Slytherin's laughed heartily.

"There's nothing wrong with Neville!" Ginny glared annoyed. Neville gave a thankful smile.

"**ohh tough luck."**

"**Herms?"**

Hermione twitched at the nickname.

**Hermione took a deep breath "Oliver Wood."**

**Ginny shrieked "OMG, you're sooo lucky he's sooo hot and that accent." Ginny drooled and got a far of look on her face.**

Ginny went bright red. Oliver also looked embarrassed.

Padma frowned "Why are they making Ginny into some bimbo Oliver fan girl type?"

"**Not bad Herms, plus we saw him changing in the locker room after quidditch practice in Hogwarts, hes got killer abs." Fred said and Harry and George nodded in firm agreement. **

Harry and Oliver looked absolutely mortified as the hall roared with laughter.

Fred and George took it in stride. "There alright I suppose but mine are better" Fred grinned, winking at Oliver.

George smirked "Maybe but my biceps beat yours by a long shot." He flexed in Oliver's direction.

They both laughed along with the rest of the hall.

"**Yes but what will we talk about?"**

"I see my character has retained her ability to focus on the real issue" Hermione said dryly.

**Ginny looked at her like she had lost her mind "Who cares, why talk just sit there and look at him.**

Ginny groaned and banged her head against the table. _When had she ever acted like this?_

**A little while later and all the couples to be had gathered at the Weasley house. Harry and Ginny were having one last make out sesh while Luna and Neville chatted nearby. **

"Seriously, Neville and Luna are just standing there while their fiancés are sucking face?" Parvati looked incredulous.

**George sat looking bored as Chow chatted to him in rapid Chinese. **

"I live and go to school in Britain!" Cho exclaimed angrily "Surely that would suggest that I can speak English!"

Many shook their heads at the racism in the story.

**Ron and Pansy were had talked through their differences and were now happily discussing names for future kids. **

"Oh come on!" Ron exclaimed. Pansy looked seconds away from puking.

"That relationship developed quickly" Charlie arched a brow.

**Katie and Fred had disappeared to his room and Percy and Lavender where flirting and playing snap.**

Katie and Fred rolled their eyes but otherwise chose to ignore their part in the story.

Lavender was confused "How do you flirt and play snap?"

Parvati considered "I guess your hands stay on top of the pile together for longer?"

**Hermione disappeared into the kitchen to get a drink. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't see the puddle and slipped with a squeal. **

"That was convenient." Hooch smirked.

**Suddenly instead of hitting the floor she was caught by two strong muscled arms that pulled her into to a muscle hardened body. Hermione blushed as a sexy voice whispered in her ear.**

Hermione was mortified and annoyed. Mostly mortified. She really didn't want to read this.

Oliver was having similar thoughts from his seat.

" **Are yer awrite bonnie, that floor looks awfy solid be a shan if ya feel doon on ye bahooky or worse ye napper, aye?"**

…

"What on earth did I just say?" Oliver asked.

"I have no idea" Hermione replied.

"It would appear they are just sticking as many Scottish slang words into one sentence as possible" McGonagall said annoyed.

Everyone sighed. _Again with the racism._

**Hermione blushed, they both felt the sparks from where their bodies were touching.**

Hermione groaned putting her head in her hands as she once again became the target of wolf whistles and kissy faces.

"**Yeah I'm fine just came for a bit of fresh air and a drink."**

"**Ah, don't blame yer that room be heevin, came in for a beevy aye?"**

Oliver grit his teeth "I don't talk like that! I don't even understand that!"

"**y y yeah" She stuttered. "thank you for catching me." She blushed as he gave her a stunning smile and a wink."**

Stuttered? She stuttered? She twitched in anger.

"**A-wiz-nae aboot to let ye fall."**

Oliver glared. _He didn't talk like that!_

**They smiled at each other. How had they not noticed each other before.**

**Oliver noticed the time and gasped.**

"**I cannea stay lassie, me maw and da want to talk back at the hoose. Miybay you can come oot and meet them soon." He looked so hopeful that she couldn't say no to him plus they would soon be her in laws anyway.**

"**I'd like that."**

"**Well I best be oaf. Bye lassie." He kissed her on the cheek and left. **

**Hermione smiled maybe this marriage law wouldn't be so bad. **

"Well that's convenient" Harry snorted "even though we were all randomly paired up we seem to be quite happy with our partners."

Hermione groaned, her head still cradled in her hands "That was horrible." She glanced at Oliver "no offence."

Harry patted her back sympathetically "At least they only gave me siblings and didn't try to pair me up with anyone."

Filius jumped from the seat happily "Pomona, it's your turn."

Sprout winced as she made her way to the seat.

Harry glanced at his friends, what next?


	6. Egotistical and Unbearable

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

* * *

A/N; No offence is intended to anyone through writing of this story. The views of the characters do **not **necessarily reflect those of the author. All featured writings are fictional and created by the author and any strong similarities to other stories are purely coincidental.

* * *

Thank you again to anyone who made a suggestion, also to those who reviewed/faved/followed.

Once again, to anyone reading this (if anyone's reading this) if you have any suggestions as to what type of fic the group should read next I'd be happy to read them. I'm fine with including most types. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Featured fic; Bullying leads too the best relationships. Mudblood means I love you. Thin line between love and hate; that people regularly jump across for fun. Lust and love are one and the same. Extreme summer personality changes for all. Ect, ect. (AKA- Dramione) fic

Also featured;

Who makes these decisions anyway? (AKA- Head boy Draco) fic

And

Seriously who makes these decisions? (AKA- Lets let them share a dorm despite the fact we've kept the males and females separate since age eleven. Clearly those 'horny little eleven year olds' will have grown out of it now they're totally mature non-horny seventeen year olds.) fic

Warnings; Time skips and the return of fan girl Ginny.

* * *

**Egotistical and Unbearable **

No one was surprised to see another explanation appear on the board.

Pairings- Sometimes an author will make you aware of the couples featured in their story in the summary. One way of achieving this is by use of the characters initials separated from the intended love interest with a slash. E.g. OW/HG = Oliver and Hermione pairing. HP/LL = Luna and Harry pairing.

"Wait, couples?" Ron looked queasy "You mean there's more stories where we're all in relationships?" The last part was almost a whisper as if saying it aloud would make it real.

Harry and Hermione exchanged wide eye looks.

Hermione cleared her throat "Well I'm sure the couples included usually take a back seat to the main plot and make much more sense that in the last story."

No one looked reassured. They all had absolute faith in these authors ability to pair them up in ways that made absolutely no sense.

"I've found a story" Sprout's voice called.

**Star-crossed**

Multiple sighs were heard as they realised this sounded decidedly romantic.

**Summary; Hermione returns to repeat her seventh year after the battle. She is given the head girl badge and is very excited. But how will she fare without Harry and Ron who have gone off to complete Auror training. She just might get help from someone unexpected. Dramione. **

Hermione was horrified, realising that she would once again play a prominent role in what was sounding suspiciously like a love story.

"Well we won the war again in this one." Harry offered weakly in an attempt to comfort her. This wasn't helped by the fact he was barely restraining his joy at the realisation he wouldn't be in this story.

"And you made head girl in it, that's something hey Hermione?" Ron's attempt was equally as weak.

Draco snorted "I just feel sorry for whoever gets paired with her." Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle snickered in agreement.

Tonks spoke up to take some of the attention off Hermione "So, you're training as Auror's huh?" She grinned at Harry and Ron. "Cool, maybe you'll get lucky and I'll be your training officer."

Moody glanced at her "For their sake lets hope not." Tonks glared at him.

"What's a Dramione?" Ginny asked.

"Probably more of their language." Cho offered.

**Hermione Granger sighed as she stepped out of Headmistresses McGonagall office new badge pinned proudly to her chest. She set off down the hal to her new dormitory.**

"Headmistress McGonagall?" Many people asked.

"Where's professor Dumbledore?" Padma voiced what they were all wondering. "He wouldn't leave his post for anything"

Lee looked at Dumbledore "They must of killed you off sir, at least you won't be in this story." Dumbledore chuckled his agreement.

"Since when do head boy and head girl get a new dormitory?" Bill asked.

"Maybe its something they created for this story." Charlie suggested.

**She reached the portrait of the one-eyed wizard in bright maroon robes and was allowed in by saying victory. **

"Imaginative password" Hooch snorted.

**All the passwords had been set to this after winning the war. **

"Oh yes, because every room being given the same password doesn't at all defeat the purpose of having a password in the first place." McGonagall said, very sarcastically.

**She entered the room and gasped, looking at the beautiful spacious common room she had walked into. **

"She's been appointed head girl, not crowned royalty. Why can't she use the house common room like everyone else?" Parvati huffed.

**She was already picturing the work she could get done as she would be the only one in it. Well her and the head boy. **

"What!" Several professors exclaimed.

"Oh yes that's a marvellous idea." Hooch mocked "Lets leave two seventeen year olds in a password protected room unsupervised. Then, in nine months time, Hogwarts students will be even better behaved under the watchful eyes of head boy, head girl and head baby."

**She thought curiously about who could have been appointed to the position as she explored the bedroom and bathroom. **

"So I was in Professor McGonagall's office and I didn't think to ask who I would be sharing a room with for the next year?" Hermione sighed. "I can see my character is, yet again, going to be an absolute genius."

**She sighed in disappointment as their was only one bathroom. **

Hooch snorted "Why don't we just give them a love potion and throw them at each other? Would save a lot of time."

**The door tho the room opened and Hermione was surprised to come face to face with Draco Malfoy. **

Draco spluttered indignantly "How dare these people use my name in this story! Wait till my father hears about this!"

"**What are you doing here!" she shrieked "Who gave you the password!"**

"Wasn't it just established that every room in the castle has the same password?" Hermione put her head in her hands. "Yep, my character is definitely a genius."

**Draco crossed his muscular arms over his equally muscular chest "I'm head boy granger this is my room to." **

_Mr Malfoy head boy? _McGonagall snorted. _Not even when pigs fly._

"I'm guessing all the other boys in seventh year were either, also killed off or conveniently somewhere else is Malfoy made head boy" Parvati said.

"What!" Shrieked Malfoy "I would never share a room with the mud blood!"

Several professors glared but were unable to do much else. Dumbledore had decided after the last story that while they were reading no points should be taken or detentions given. He seemed to believe the students had a right to express themselves due to the stories content.

"Oh yes, because its my absolute dream to share a living space with you Malfoy" Hermione snarled.

**Neither were happy with this and glared at each other.**

The hall snorted. _That's an understatement. _

**He's so annoying Hermione thought.**

"Annoying?" Hermione rolled her eyes "More like unbearable, idiotic, egotistical and self obsessed prat."

Draco sneered at her.

**So arrogant and full of himself. **

There was general agreement around the hall.

**I mean just look at that fluffy blond hair and those muscular arms, those pink plump oh so kissable lip- No. **

No one moved or spoke as the direction of this story became abundantly clear.

"No." Hermione whispered. _Never. Not even these authors could be crazy enough to pair her and_ - she swallowed - _Malfoy together. _

Ron and Harry looked like someone had just stuck a pile of year old rotten food under their noses and asked the to eat it.

Draco was a strange mix between smug; from his description, and disgusted; from who had described him as such.

**What am I thinking. That's Malfoy! Malfoy is not attractive! Bad Hermione! **

Somehow this denial only made Hermione feel more horrified. Maybe because it seemed the author was actually trying to make a plot out of this.

Others around the hall were wondering why the author was having Hermione berate herself lika a dog.

**Meanwhile Draco was having thoughts of his own. **

"That's a miracle." Fred snorted trying to lighten the mood.

"Do try not to hurt yourself." George added. "Actually, hurt yourself what do I care?"

**She's so beautiful. **

"What!" Draco nearly jumped from his seat in indignation. "I have never and will never find that mudblood at all attractive! How dare they write me like this! My father will hear about this!"

The other Slytherin's had wrinkled their noses in distaste.

Harry and the Weasley's reached for their wands angrily.

Dumbledore's voice interrupted them all. "That is enough. I'm am sure that there are many of you that disagree with what is being written for or about you and your friends. This does not mean however that violence and insults are allowed. It is just a story, try to treat it as such."

Everyone slumped back in their seats none of them happy about it. All those not involved in the showdown hoped this story finished fast, before spells started flying.

**Her hair has really calmed down it brings out her perfect features even more. **

Malfoy snarled in anger, a look from Dumbledore preventing him from doing anything else.

**And those eyes; so gorgeous and full of sparkle. He sighed, what would she do if whe knew he had been in love with her since third year. **

Thud!

Malfoy fell to the floor under a full body bind from McGonagall. The last sentence had proved too much for the blond and he had brandished his wand intent on blasting that reading device to the deepest pits of hell.

Pansy shrieked falling to Draco's side.

McGonagall looked at Dumbledore "I think it best if we leave Mr Malfoy under the spell until the completion of this story"

Dumbledore sighed but nodded his consent.

**That every time he called her a mudblood all he really wanted was to grab her in his arms and kiss her senseless. **

Malfoy screamed internally in horror.

Many people gagged. Hermione looked about ready to faint. Only her tight self control was preventing her from repeating Malfoy's actions.

"**Whatever Malfoy" Hermione said stopping checking him out. "Just stay out of my way." and they both went to bed. **

"Separately, I hope" Zacharias chuckled. Immediately shutting up at the murderous looks received from three particular Gryffindors.

**The next morning was a horrible struggle as they both fought over the bathroom. Both trying to style their hair at the same time. **

Parvati and Lavender snorted. If there was one good thing about sharing a dorm with Hermione it was that the girl didn't hog the bathroom like most of the others.

**Eventually they managed to finish and Hermione left to seek advice from the guy guru Ginny. **

"Guy guru!" Shrieked Ginny and most of her brother.

"Why am I the guy guru?" Ginny questioned.

"That is a very good question" Charlie glared at the screen.

**She must have some advice with all of her boyfriends.**

"What boyfriends!" Ginny and most of her brother, once again, shouted.

Ginny scowled this story was making her sound like some sort of slut.

"**Wait, your sharing a room with Draco Malfoy!" Ginny smirked "Your so lucky you just won a subscription to the finest art show eva! I mean he's a total jerk but damn talk about sculpted perfection." Ginny swooned. She jumped up "Lets go discuss this at your place. Where hopefully Malfoy has just finished showering and by Godly intervention has misplaced all his shirts."**

Ginny was now looking almost as sick as Hermione.

Her brothers looked like they were a step away from joining Malfoy under the full body bind.

"Why are they making Ginny into a bimbo fan girl again?" Sighed Padma.

Mr and Mrs Weasley were, quite honestly, unsure how to react. They therefore chose to ignore everything they had just heard for the sake of their sanity.

**2 months later**

**Draco and Hermione had fallen into a sort of routine these days and now actually found it pleasant to live together. They had come to a truce and were now talking politely. **

Hermione glared. That would never happen.

Terry spoke up "It seems like a bit of a cop out that they just skipped ahead in time instead of showing how Malfoy and Hermione started to get along."

"Evidently they just want to get to the romance." Padma shot a apologetic look at Hermione when she chocked at her words.

**After they stopped calling each other names they found they had a lot in common. **

"Oh yes we like all the same things." Hermione mocked "We often study together in the library and then we go pick on some muggleborns in the lower years together. Such fun times we have." She finished in a deadly snarl that had all her table mates leaning away, worried about their safety.

**Hermione came in one day from visiting Diagon Alley for a new book and found Draco staring sadly into the night. **

Hooch rolled her eyes "Yes, because Head girl is just a code name for do whatever you want all day, including taking a unauthorized stroll off grounds."

"Didn't I come back to repeat my seventh year. So far I haven't mentioned going to any classes or doing any sort of work." Hermione threw up her hands in frustration.

**She went to him "Are you ok Draco?"**

"**Yeah, I just needed a minute."**

**The sun shined through the window and onto Draco's beautifully mused blond hair. **

"Wait didn't it say it was night like literally three lines ago?" Cho asked "Why is there suddenly sun coming through the window."

**It gave him a heavenly appearance. **

Even the Slytherin's snorted at this. Heavenly was definitely not a word used to describe Draco Malfoy.

**Hermione couldn't help herself and lent forward. **

Hermione paled. _No, no, no, no. _She repeated like a mantra.

**Draco met her lips halfway and they were kissing. **

Harry gagged. He looked at his fried honestly concerned she might pass out. He readied himself to catch her just in case.

**Finally they both thought. **

_Never! _They both thought.

**She tangled her hand in his hair and he put his on her waist pulling her closer. Of all their lives as a witch and wizard never had there been a more magical moment. **

"Well that was incredibly cheesy." Fred laughed nervously, he like most others was watching Hermione in concern. The girl hadn't even moved since the beginning of that last sentence.

**They were interrupted by a knock at the door. **

There was a sigh of relief as Hermione finally moved.

Hermione herself finally relaxed as the kissing was now over.

**Hermione reluctantly went answer it tempted to leave whoever it was out there. "What!" she growled annoyed at who dared interrupt her Draco time. **

"Whoever it is, thank you." Hermione said seriously.

**It was Harry and Ron. **

Hermione grinned at them in thanks and they smiled hesitantly back. Glad to help their friend (even if it wasn't really them) but at the same time horrified to be in the story.

**And they were crying. **

_Oh, come on! _Harry thought as the room snickered. _Must I cry in every story!_

"That's the end of the chapter" Sprout announced happily.

Everyone cheered.

McGonagall released Draco from the body bind and he walked back to his seat in a state of horrified shock.

"But why were Harry and Ron crying?" Neville questioned curiously.

Ginny snorted "Based on the rest of the story its probably about something stupid, something that doesn't make sense or both. Trust me Neville we're better off not knowing."

"Severus" Sprout called "Its your turn to read."

Harry couldn't help but snicker at the look on Snape's face as he got up to read.

Ginny sighed "I wonder what ridiculous thing will happen in the next story."

What, indeed.


	7. Time and Again

Disclaimer; All Characters, Locations and terms are the property of their respective owners.

A/N; No offence is intended to anyone through writing of this story. The views of the characters do **not **necessarily reflect those of the author. All featured writings are fictional and created by the author and any strong similarities to other stories are purely coincidental.

Thank you again to anyone who made a suggestion, also to those who reviewed/faved/followed.

Once again, to anyone reading this (if anyone's reading this) if you have any suggestions as to what type of fic the group should read next I'd be happy to read them. I'm fine with including most types. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Featured Fic; Advanced magic should only **ever** be used for across-time match making. (AKA- Marauders time travelling) fic

Also Features;

The marauders really should have known better (AKA- Ugly, annoying, dumb, evil Peter) Fic.

And

One dimensional ladies man Sirius, book worm Remus, Lily obsessed James, James hating Lily and misunderstood Severus Fic.

* * *

**Time and Again**

Dramione- A mixture of the names Hermione and Draco. Used to indicate the popular pairing of the two.

"Popular!" Hermione cried looking ill. Harry exchanged a wide eyed look with Ron.

Draco made some sort of unintelligible noise. He didn't seem to be handling things very well.

"I have selected what sounds like the best of a what is no doubt idiotic stories from deeply delusional minds." Severus looked like he had just been forced to select a Gryffindor to room with for the rest of the year instead of a story.

**Time**

"Well that's simple and to the point." Justin frowned "Doesn't really tell us much though."

"As long as its not another bloody love story." Marcus grumbled.

Draco and Hermione shivered. _Please, not again._

**Summary; sometimes the only way forward is back.**

"Well that's cryptic" Ernie continued brightly "but hey at least it still doesn't sound like a love story."

Cho looked perturbed "I don't know if the lack of description about where this story is headed makes me feel better or worse."

**Ginny looked at Dumbledore she was surrounded by her family and Harry who were all crying.**

_Oh for the love of! _Harry thought with a sigh. One line in and he was already crying.

"Great" Ginny deadpanned "I'm included."

"I would ask why we are crying" Bill sighed "But I don't think I want to know."

**Dumbledore opened his mouth and finally told them why they were all here.**

"Wait" Padma interrupted "If they haven't been told why they are there then why are they already crying?"

Hooch smirked "Maybe they were told that they are being used as characters in a fan fiction. That would be more than enough to make me cry."

Severus continues once the laughter from Hooch's comment died down.

"**Ginny, I'm afraid I must send you on a very dangerous mission. We are losing this war and I need you to go back in time and fix it."**

"Wait, what!" Hermione cried "You can't just mess with time like that! It would have dire consequences and not just for wizarding Britain!"

"Not to mention that time turners can only turn back time for a maximum of twelve hours." Terry added.

"Also why send me?" Ginny asked "Disregarding all the other reasons if professor Dumbledore found a way to travel back in time why wouldn't he go? Or at the very least someone more experienced."

"I would never allow my daughter to be sent on a dangerous mission" Molly declared, much to Ginny embarrassment and chagrin.

**Everyone cried harder.**

Harry thumped his head on the table.

"**I'll do it" Ginny nodded sure. **

Ginny groaned "Seriously? I'm not even going to ask what I have to do or when I'm going back to?" She banged her head against the table "why do these writers seem to think we are all stupid?"

Hermione patted her back sympathetically.

"**Very well, when you go back give this note to my past self. Be very careful not to reveal any past information to anyone as it could cause massive changes. There is one more thing if you go you can never come back.**

"Didn't he say she's going back to change things? And now he's saying not to tell anyone because it could change things? Cho looked very confused "But that's what he wanted in the first place!"

"So basically Ginny entire role is to act as an owl and deliver a letter to past Dumbledore?" Padma groaned "Why couldn't he just use a real owl? Or just send the letter on its own? Or go back himself?" Parvati took her twins arm to stop her from going on an exasperated rant. This whole ordeal was so much harder on the smart ones, who could think of a thousand different solutions and problems with the plots in these stories.

"I would never allow this to happen!" Molly shrieked glaring at Dumbledore as if he had actually suggested it.

"Molly dear, calm down its just a story remember?" Arthur consoled his wife who blushed and offered Dumbledore an apologetic grin.

**The room burst into tears. Molly hugged her daughter "Good luck I'll always remember you"**

"Excuse me!" Molly spluttered "My daughter is being sent on a dangerous mission from which she can never return and that's all I have to say!"

Molly's shrieks trailed off to indiscernible and shrill yells. Thankfully these were muffled by her husbands cloak when he pulled her into a forceful embrace.

"Wait" Hannah said "If they are already crying how can they burst into tears?"

No one could answer this and so Severus continued.

**Ginny nodded and took hold of the piece of parchment Dumbledore offered to her the room span and she was gone.**

This sentence was met only with eye rolls and the shaking of heads. No one could be bothered to point out all the flaws in what just happened.

**James, Remus and Sirius were sitting happily on the grounds. **

Sirius gulped and exchanged a horrified look with a very pale Remus.

At the front of the room Severus felt a strange sense of foreboding. _He better not be involved in this!_

**Sirius was talking about his latest conquest. **

Sirius smirked and preened slightly. _Not to bad so far._

**Remus was reading. **

Remus rolled his eyes slightly at the one dimensional portrayal of them but also breathed a small sigh of relief. _It could be a lot worse. _

**James was thinking longingly about his one true love Lily. **

Sirius and Remus snickered.

Snape glared harder at the reading screen.

**Suddenly a red haired girl fell from the sky. Sirius jumped up and ran to catch her. **

Sirius grinned at Ginny "you're welcome."

Ginny just glared at him "For what?" She sighed in annoyance "If your character hadn't caught mine she might have died and spared my involvement in this thing."

**The friend cathered to look curiously at this newcomer. She's very pretty they thought. **

Remus groaned "a girl falls out of the sky and that is our first thought!"

Meanwhile Ginny was starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable with the direction of this story.

**She wearing Gryffindor clothes yet they had never seen her before. James thought she looked a lot like Lily but not as pretty.**

"Hey!" Protested the 'not as pretty as Lily' red head.

**He stared longingly into the sky thinking of his love. **

This time neither Sirius or Remus laughed. While their friend did indeed spend a lot of time chasing Lily that wasn't all he ever did. He also definitely wouldn't be thinking about her when something so strange was happening.

**Ginny opened her eyes and saw she was surrounded by three extremely sexy boys.**

Ginny's uncomfortable feeling spread through the hall as everyone got an idea of where this story was headed. Ginny swallowed. _No, please no. _

Molly was glaring at both Remus and Sirius who looked horrified themselves.

**One looked like Harry but with different coloured eyes. The other was clearly a younger professor Lupin. The third and hottest was Sirius. **

Remus breathed a sigh of relief while Sirius gulped. _At least this writer has taste. _

**Ginny spotted a fourth boy just behind them. He was short and fat with a face full of large leaking spots. His hair mangled and grimy and his eyes were black and evil looking. She could smell him from all the way over here and gagged.**

"Is that supposed to be Peter!" Sirius growled. "I hate the guy but he never looked evil, if he had we never would have allowed him to tag along with us!"

"**Are you alright?" Sirius asked.**

**She nodded "Where am I?"**

"**Hogwarts where else?" Lupin looked at her like she was stupid.**

Remus thumped his forehead on the table. _Hopefully this will be over soon. _

**Suddenly a voice interrupted them. "James Potter you arrogant prat what are you doing now?" This was a redhead with green eyes. **

Sirius and Remus groaned. Lily would never just storm over and insult someone without a reason, even James. Not to mention she actually spent a lot of time actively avoiding James not seeking him out.

**Behind her trailed a younger Severus Snape. **

Snape glared harder at the reading screen.

Half of the hall perked up now, all interested in hearing about the hopefully embarrassing portrayal of their least favourite professor.

**Ginny's jaw dropped. Snape looked amazingly sexy, his hair no longer greasy and his gorgeous eyes full of sadness and longing for love. **

Ginny looked very near to fainting.

The Weasley brothers were struggling to hold down there last meal.

Hermione was rubbing Ginny's back in comfort while simultaneously reconsidering her decision of Malfoy as the worst romance partner ever.

Harry had decided to block out as much of this story as possible.

Snape looked horrified. He forced himself to continue reading and get this thing over with.

"**I'm not doing anything my radiant Lily petal pie." **

A half-hearted chuckle swept the hall at the attempted compliment.

**Lily huffed and walked away. James leapt up and followed after her spouting love poems.**

"Well that's one way to get rid of unwanted side characters" Justin mused.

**Ginny spoke to the remaining three boys. "I need to see professor Dumbledore."**

"**Ok then come on we'll take you Sirius said.**

"**Actually I have to go back to the library" Remus left.**

"And that's another way" Hannah added to Justin's previous statement.

"**You should probably go shower Peter you stink."**

"Well this isn't obvious at all" Katie snorted "as if they would all just wonder off after a random person fell from the sky."

**Peter blushed "Good idea which way are the bathrooms again. He scratched hi head and Ginny saw the black ink of the dark mark on his arm. She glared at him. **

Sirius and Remus leapt from there seats.

"Are they really implying that we wouldn't notice if Peter had the dark mark while we all went to school together!" Sirius demanded.

The two of them continued to rage for a few minutes before settling down .

Snape continued on with the story.

**Sirius glared at him "Work it out you worthless pile of dung." **

**He bowed at Ginny "Come along my lady."**

**Ginny grinned at Severus "You should come to"**

**Severus smiled beautifully "OK"**

"Well that was a stimulating conver-" Padma began before being cut of by Snape who continued to read the story determined to finish it quickly.

**The meeting with Dumbledore was short. Severus was ecstatic when the girl was sorted into Slytherin. Black was horrified. He smirked at black as he took the redheads hand and led her away.**

Both Snape and Sirius let out sighs of relief when the story ended there.

"I don't get it" Ernie said "why was she resorted?"

Snape stood for the chair and made his way quickly down from the front of the room.

"Poppy you're next" he said as he passed her.

Poppy gulped as she made her way to the reading screen.

Harry looked round at the rest of his table. A very pale Ginny was being comforted by a disturbed looking Hermione. Arthur and Molly looked completely horrified at the last story. The Weasley brothers were all exchanging looks as if begging each other to do something to get rid of the memory of the story. For everyone's sanity Harry was glad the story went no further.

Poppy cleared her throat. Harry sighed. _Here we go again. _


End file.
